New Advances in Deconstructing Relationships

Course overview

This seminar builds on the concept, as demonstrated by research in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Burns, Gillihan, Beck), that there is a "core fear" driving our resistances and creating our conflicts. When applied to relationships, we see that this core fear is responsible for projecting how we view our partner (or others in a group we are relating to) to create false assumptions about them, and how we do so with ourselves as well (Johnson, Park). We then react to the core fear with a "chief defense" (Davenloo), an automatic habit that is designed to get us the love (or fulfillment or success) that we seek with others, but which inevitably backfires. In this sense, it is more precisely the chief defense that is responsible for our relational conflicts, even when we are certain the other has done something "wrong" (Fernanda). These premises lead to the realization that in any relationship, there are new alternatives for what we project and how we respond. Seeing this, we may choose those perceptions and responses that will bring understanding, empathy, and the opportunity for "flow" (Seligman, Cikszenthmihalyi). As such, relationships afford a unique opportunity for finding meaning (Costello) and the mindful discovery of how to negotiate life's challenges more successfully (Kabat-Zinn, Roemer).